You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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