Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
