I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
