You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
