I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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