In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
