Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
