last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
