he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
