apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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