im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
NoShamevember. You game?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
