We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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