My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
