Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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