Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
