shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
