Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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