he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
