When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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