he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just blew my weed a kiss
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
