I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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