I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
