I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
