She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
