UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
