im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
