He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
