In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
