Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
