i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want a musical about memes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
