My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
