you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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