So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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