Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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