dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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