Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
