My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
