OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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