so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
