Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
