We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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