Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
