Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
