Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
