HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My liver just had a heart attack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
