I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
