i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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