I want to make a zoo with you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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