i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
