Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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