It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
