Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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