you would pick up someone in the library
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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