mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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