In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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