I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
