Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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