My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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