6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
