is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
